Judgment is Coming

I am a judgmental person, no I used to be a judgmental person.  When I would hear of someone who lived with their parents and did not have a job the first thing that came to mind was LOSER.  I can't think like that anymore I refuse to call myself a loser.  The past 20 months has changed me and I feel for the better.  How could I ever call someone a loser when I had no idea what made them or forced them to take a step back in life.

I live with my parents, because I left my husband.  The best decision I could ever make for my child and I.  I do not work or bring income in to the household, because I stopped working my twentieth of pregnancy.  I chose to stay at home throughout my pregnancy and the first year of my sons life.  Since I have hit the pavement, some may say, I have had only a few bites.  Although this makes me a little depressed, since I am a very career oriented person, I would not change this for the world.  Once my son started daycare 4 months ago my grandmother has been very ill and simply put needed 24 hour monitoring.  Once again I am the one in the family that doesn't work so I have taken on that task while the others cannot.  With all these events taken place I can't help but think of that old saying "things happen for a reason." 

For example, once my son was born I realized that my husband was not what I wanted in the long term partnership of marriage. Living at home with my parents is providing my son with a better life than he would have with my husband and I.  A better life than what we could provide him.  Maybe I haven't located a job because my grandmother needs my help at the moment.  Now it's all making since.

I am not a loser and will never be.  My personality will not allow that.  So before I or anyone else makes a judgment call on someone, think think of what they may have gone through to put them in that place.

"Then world is not fair" Learn it and Live it

I was shopping at Bilo earlier today and while checking out I was listening to the conversation between the cashier and the girl bagging my groceries.  They were discussing their schedule and how a certain manager was basically targeting them where as favoring others.

First issue, you work front line customer service never ever talk bad about your job.  You never know who the customer is and what influence they may have.  Larger companies are always using secret customers for feedback.  Second issue, be glad you have a job.  I am not receiving any help from my Ex regarding our son, as well as unemployment.  I wish I could be in their shoes and have only my schedule to complain about.  I don't even know where my son's next pack of diapers will come from.

Last issue I have and something these two women need to learn is that "the world is not fair."  No matter where you work there will always be favorites.  No matter where you live or attend school there will always be favorites.  Are you seeing a pattern here.  I used to be like these women, but I've learned that valuable un-changing lesson about favoritism.  You can't change it so why stress out and waste your breath on it.

Ex's and the Jealousy of Freedom

I realized today that my Ex and I should have never dated let alone married.  We're friends and get along better now then when we were together.  We even talked about women the other day.  He informed me that he was seeing someone, and that's ok until you tell me that you can't see your son that day because you are hanging out with her.  Come to find out that she is married, and I'm sorry I can't respect someone that joins someone in a relationship when they are already commited to one.  Of course to him I'm jealous that he has someone and I don't.  That's not it, I am jealous but not of your relationship with someone like that, but of the freedom you have.  In response to this he stated "You left me, you chose to leave."  That is correct I chose to leave, but I didn't choose the kind of father you turned out to be.  It saddens me to know that any parent whould choose someone or something else over their child.

I know this because recently I've been talking to my father a lot more about growing up and him not being around.  Yes he was in our lives but not as much as he would have liked and now it's started to sink in to him.  He said he would like to build a relationship with his grandchildren so this time he doesn't miss out.  I just wish my Ex knows what he is missing out on, and how much it will hurt later in life when he looks back.  For me I'm worried about building a relationship with my son and not someone else, there's plenty of time later for that.

First Blog: Doubting the Lord and Grandmother OH MY!

I have always asked myself why people blog? Well I'm gonig to find out. 

My name is Cristina Vincent, I am 30 years old, seperated with a 16 month old.  At this current point I am starting over my life.  I am changing the way I veiw things and no longer am I going to be the NICE person.  I have said this all before but this time I'm going to keep a blog of that journey.  I look at this as a computerized journal.  So here goes everything.

This Sunday passed I went to church basically declaring myself as a sinner who wants to change.  I even filled out a card stating the fact that i have currently lost my way and would like to find the path to the Lord.  Tonight I received a call from a church representitive named Glenda and we are meeting for coffee monday night.  I'm not really sure what I'm going to say or ask.  I would like to tell her that the reason I lost my way is because of my doubt in the Lord.  I have always been a good person and it just seems like nothing ever went my way, so hence my doubtfulness.  Should I tell her that I would like to join a church family so my son will have postive influences growning up?  How ever many times you try to script your dialogue the conversation never goes that way.  So enough about that.

To give you an idea of my life, since I left my husband I have been living at home with my mother and step-father.  Since leaving the hospital tuesday my grandmother is now a resident on the couch.  Now don't freak out she sleeps on the couch at home we even went to far as to buy one just like hers at home.  Since her being here she has BM'd in the kitchen on the floor, and I just found out that this morning she woke up and thought she was in a gas station.  She was trying to locate a restroom and couldn't so she told my mother that she found a pot.  That pot ending up being the trash can.  Many people have told me that she is on her way out, but the nurses say that all elderly that are out of their comfort zone will be disoriented.  All I know is that the stories can be funny but sad at the same time, JUST LIKE LIFE.